dust

would so appreciate one now. i'll even pay you more than 5cents

are there times when you feel left out?
are there times when you feel that no one cares

don't ask me why
i cannot give you an answer
i just feel it


........................................................................

went to CX's house after school today to take photos for IDEAs. was stuck at first, coz CX's house is really really really clean and tidy!! haha. then we got the ideas flowing, thanks to US, and his bro. haha. his bro damn funny, but helpful la! ha. had quite lots of fun. was looking at the photos jsut now, and it made me laugh, first time today.

i was on my pc just now, and i found this document eli sent me. its nostalgic. i often ask myself why i am here now, not there. why i'm in sp, and not in tj, where i can still be with them. but i still, cannot give myself an answer. am i that reliant on eyegang? or put it as such, i'm too reliant on those friends lilin, eli, ma, dear, nightmare, loser. i say i must be independent, but whenever things such as today occur,, i cnt help but turn to them yet again. i have hell no idea. darn.

its not a matter of names anymore

爱一个人好难

你说你还是喜欢孤单
其实你怕被我看穿
你怕属于我们的船
飘飘荡荡靠不了岸
时到如今没有答案
我的真心为你牵荡
不管相见的夜多么难堪
渐渐淡淡的说
爱是不爱
想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两段
听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端
一样的为难
唯一的答案
爱一个人好难
时到如今没有答案
我的真心为你牵荡
不管相见的夜多么难堪
渐渐淡淡的说
爱是不爱
想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两段
听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端
一样的为难
唯一的答案
爱一个人好难
想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两段
听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端
一样的为难
唯一的答案
爱一个人好难

............................................

morning world!
i came online to do my IDEAs ppt, but i ended up synchronising my music, organising my online favs and sorts. damnit. and i'm a lil running late for school. told myself to leave earlier so i can go to SAA to hand in my undertaking form to vicky supposed to be due last friday, oh well. i hope i dont get killed.



not looking forward to school.

chemical agents

2AUG, Marche



am still up trying to obtain full marks for online quiz 5 and i got locked out. good game. so much for perfection.



tired of everything man.
i don't know whats wrong anymore. could you tell me. i dont want to lose my friends anymore.





提得起，放得下
才有男人的味道

i ask you this

you know a friend when he allows you to put his candid shot on your blog



hahaha.
omgosh. i'm not supposed to be here. but i cldn resist coming online while printing my tutorials. hehheh.


i was damn pissed at school today. my laptop's internet failed me and i cldn use the internet =x so pissed man. somemore candy wanted to use it. so sorry candy!! =x



oh yes PANG YONG HE!!! tag and tell me if you confirm wanna go back to work ok!! i going to ask alrd!! haha
i'm so going to go back to work no matter what!! at most i'll take half-day when i have airport duty. heh. i want the moolah!



i guess you never felt left out before, and thus, you have abs no idea how i feel


time for tutorials.



shallow bastard

the day over again

i say, i'll go high and low for them

another day gone just like day. 1 day less to STs. 1 day less to HOLIDAYS. lmao. i have no idea why i'm looking forward to holidays. since no one will be free for me. nvm, i shall have ****yh pei me at work, if we're wanted and my presents for eli. (:

school's getting rather unbearable for me. everything seems to be going in a way that i never expected. maybe its time to rethink things. oh wells, i just finished bmic online test 4, which took me like over 20 attempts to get 200/200. bloody damn thing. i still have online test 5 to complete by friday. darn. arghs. hate school. hate studying.

.............................................................................

went for XDD's band concert IBM yest. rather nice & enjoyable. i think the songs were damn nice, esp IBM and michu picchu. muahhaha. i know the song kay CX. lalalah. then after concert, took photos with the shuai XDD, then went to sumo house for dinner with evon, shan, aug. and i got suanned by aug like damn many times man. gosh.

post pics when i get them from evon.

...............................................................................

next sunday's gna be busyy!! there's like yeye's birthday lunch in the afternoon, then the trip to optical shop =))), then meeting makan gang for MARCHE!! weee~

i cnt wait for sunday to come :DDDD

time to sleep lorrr

NIGHTS~

peanuts

its not wonder it was a rainy week

this week's a emotional rollercoaster. and i think i ended it with a damn horrible BANG.

how great,

i squeezed the peanut filling of my pancake onto my brother's face. just because he showed me his fist and talked a whole lot of bullshit when i asked him to get a piece of tissue for me

i have absolutely no idea what made me do that, but i did it. he was just clenching his fists right in front of my face and talking a whole lot of fucking bullshit, and the next moment, i have squeezed the fucking peanuts into his face, threw my breakfast on the table and left the kitchen. BRAVO PRIS.

i swear my parents and my brother, maybe even my aunt, coz my bro's gna tell her are thinking that i'm going insane soon. oh fuck, heck it. doesn mean that always giving way to that bloody asshole, means i'm going to put up with him everytime. my emo level has shot waywayway up. good game.

anws,

yest was my first hme. next one will be next sem alrd. lols. i think i did a super bad job. oh whatever.

after hme, went home and went with my parents and brother to the optical shop, to get my bro's specs coz the fucking idoit broke his. and my whole family ended up spending thousand+ bucks there. my bro's specs, dad's specs, mum's specs, and

MY CONTACT LENS!! (((((:

like finally can. after begging for it for YEARS. hahaha. bought daily disposable ones. supposedly to get monthlies with astig, but it so damn bloody ex. so my optometrist let me try dailies w/o astig and it was rather ok, so i saved quite a bit. but the parents are still complaining, coz they still think its ex. but hell, they wldn let me get monthlies coz they say i dunno how to take care of it, and i'm only supposed to wear contacts on lab days. who cares, sooner or later, i'm going to wear them everyday. HA. oh whatever. i have my contacts and thats enough.

then went to ah-ma's house. came home and slept.

i think i won't be online for the next few days. i have no absolute idea why my wireless modem disappeared and i have no wireless at home, and the only place i can use the internet is the PC, which i so hate using. damnit.

going for XDD's band concert later. bye

damn bloody tired. damn bloody fucked up.

hush

if only you'd stop the avoiding

i've been having too many emosilent moments in school alrd.
nonono, cnt. i must try to be back to my normal self. rawrssss.

school today was okayy. except that there's lab, and i generally hate lab, coz of some things. sighs


have you ever had this feeling of insecurity? even when you are with your friends, like sometimes when they discuss about something and you wonder if they're talking about you, or some of their actions make you feel like they're mocking you? ever since that day, i've been super sensitive and all, and i know i shouldn be but somehow i cnt help it. and when i have that feeling, i force myself to keep it inside, coz i dont want to be a wet blanket.
there's just alot of emotions inside me which me myself cannot point out what exactly the feelings are. i miss dear. there's like so many things to tell, but i guess, eventually, those feelings will not come out again.


idk. its really time to start mugging REAL hard for STs, but i cannot get myself settled down. can someone just make me sit down and mug REAL hard.



为什么爱如此痛心

greeeeeen fat fruit juice

omggg. i was just researching about avocados, and i found this line.

"The fruit has a markedly higher fat content than most other fruit, mostly
monounsaturated fat"

gosh. i should reduce my intake of it man!! ok. i drink avocado juice. i had my 2nd cup of it for the week just now. but its so damn nice lehhs. =x
but come to think of it, no wonder it's so creamy and thick. gosh. i was drinking fats. LOLs. i should just stick to normal fruit juice. haha.


..............................................................

RWP PRESENTATION OVERRRRR~ =DDDDDD
so damn happy man. just IDEAs presentation left and we're so done with presentations. haha.
presentation was rather ok. i was damndamndamn nervous, even more nervous than OP last yr man, idk why. LOL.

i'm thinking if anyone wants to accompany to study late in school. the school's opening MUG@MOBERLY 24/7 for us. i think i'd achieve more there than at home. given the rate i am going, and that its 3 weeks to STs and 2 weeks for CA2. =.= ANYONE WANTS TO BE A NICE SOUL AND ACCOMPANY ME!!!?


i want to go for the duty for F1 night race, but i cnt even make it for the briefing. darn bmic make-up lecture. i even have to miss dialouge = no scholars to gossip with = ):




i can be a bitch to you, lalalah
don't tell me what to do
you don't know
maybe if you go through it
i'll tell you what you should do
and you'll tell me if you like it
i'm a bitch to you, lalalah


BYEEE~

我以为的

我以为 - 王心凌

以为已对你失去感觉了
以为已对你失去感觉了
以为已忘记我们在一起过
以为想得没错
以为只要雨季别坠落
就可以放心对着你笑了

我以为说忘记就忘记
多么洒脱容易
怎么会看你一眼
头再一点
眼泪又不听话呢
难道说过去总会过去
不是一种真理
直到相遇的一刻
才让我懂

以为已错过不能再回头
以为走太久不能再一起走
以为想得没错
以为只要对自己说
我还好
心情就会好一点

我以为说忘记就忘记
多么洒脱容易
怎么会看你一眼
头再一点
眼泪又不听话呢
难道说过去总会过去
不是一种真理
直到相遇的一刻
才让我懂

冷静的我
坚强的我
勇敢的我
不是我

我以为说忘记就忘记
多么洒脱容易
怎么会看你一眼
头再一点
眼泪又不听话呢
难道说过去总会过去
不是一种真理
直到相遇的一刻
才让我懂

我以为说忘记就忘记
眼泪又不听话呢
难道说过去总会过去
不是一种真理
直到相遇的一刻
才让我懂


.......................................................


HELLLLO

after all those crying yesterday, i realised something.

其实人生并非想象中那么痛苦
就把委屈的，不开心的，不满的都哭出来
哭了就好了
若把所有的不开心关在心里，
只会让自己更痛苦。

i say... i shall try to be the strong girl everyone is asking me to be, but at the same time, release my emotions appropriately. *grins

they say... you know who your true friends are when you are in a dire state. i agree, though not totally. LOLs. at least i know my ever-so lovely girl will always be here for me, RIGHT LI LIN!? haha. and there's the ****YONG HE!!! his tags never fail to make me smileeee. haha.. honoured bo, ****yh!! haha. if only that botak guy in field camp now can come online, then maybe i'll be back to my crazy self tml

.................................................

back to today.

i skipped chem lecture, 3rd lecture i skipped so far. first was rwp, second was cell bio, chem's the third. i don't really care.i did my script and left for sch. BEST PARTNER didn go for chem too!! 默契la. haha. yupps. cell bio, then microbio. maurice ling had a great time scaring us over the drawing of blood and stuff. bleaghs. then discussed a lil abt rwp, then joined the girls in the library. tried studying cell bio but i gave up. cldn concentrate. ended up reading mags. i seriously think the library is being our hideout/comfort zone man. we just sit anywhere we like, not in the middle of the damn road la and talk and do whatever we want haha. i love the library lehhs. hahaha. and the project rooms, thou now, we're quite lazy to book project rooms. haha.

anws, went for lunch then back to the library, seeeeee, then revised candy for her bmic retest. walked with candy to t11a, then to mrt to help her meet evon to get her wallet back, long story, always happens, went back to school, meet candy.

then the shopping came. shopping with no fruits. i went to aljunied, to paya lebar, to kembangan, to bedok, just to look for pink top to wear tml. but i couldn find any. but i found so many nice clothes!!! must go back before the THIS FASHION SALES end! DEARRRRR!!!!? =x dear is sad.. dont sad dear..

bought kfc back for mummy, dinner, slacked online, and here blogging.
going to sleep.

tml's rwp presentation. good luck to me man. so not prepared.



share with you the convo with Li Lin just now. she's damn cuteeee~


♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:39 PM):
but i'm quite lucky
he didn come to school today
not so bad

Li Lin says (10:40 PM):
yeah, good! supid guy stupid get sick.
my curse worked, ahaha

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:41 PM):
hahahaha
you cursed him!?

Li Lin says (10:42 PM):
yeah i msg you tell you right? out of all the pissing guys who got in my way, he's the one who really pisses me big time
bully my friend? you go die lah. haha

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:42 PM):
HAHAHA.
you very cute lehhs
can i post that up on my blog?

Li Lin says (10:43 PM):
oh sure sure! i will gain some publicity

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:43 PM):
yeaaa

Li Lin says (10:43 PM):
(:
lalalala

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:43 PM):
but i dn if he was sick or what lehhs
haha

Li Lin says (10:44 PM):
does it matter? he didnt appear in ur line of sight!

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:44 PM):
yeaa.
quite true

Li Lin says (10:44 PM):
maybe he is at space now haha

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:44 PM):
space?
in space!?
he flew up!?
impossible
he's not so smart!!
too heavy with all those tummy fats

Li Lin says (10:45 PM):
haha, but i am quite smart, see physics say if we kick a particular person at one point, he will fly far far away to space and never come back!
like woah!
haha

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:45 PM):
REALLY!!!?

Li Lin says (10:46 PM):
yeah, under topic gravitation i think!

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:47 PM):
serious!?
omg.
i dont like gravitation
no wonder i dont know
if not i would have done so longlonglong ago

Li Lin says (10:49 PM):
hahaha, oops, don say i tell you that!

♥PRIS (: 我已为的 says (10:50 PM):
hahahaha
whyyy

Li Lin says (10:51 PM):
later ppl start disappering from mother earth i die! haha


haha.
thanks girl! (:

i'll be just fine.
if only i were

NIGHTS WORLD~

hey daddy

A story to share.

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farm house had just
finished
a rough first day on the job. A flat tire had caused him to miss an
hour of
work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pick-up truck refused
to
start.

As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. When we arrived
he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked to the front door, he
paused
briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both
hands. When
opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His
tanned face was
wreathed in smiles; he hugged his two small children and
gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed by
the tree and my
curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had
seen him do
earlier.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I
know I can't help
having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, they
don't belong in the
house with my wife and children. So, I just hang them on
the tree when I come
home in the evening and then I just pick them up again
in the morning."

"Funny thing, though," he smiled, "when I come out in
the morning to
pick 'em up, there ain't nearly as many as I remembered
hanging there the night
before."

sometimes, i really wish that things could be as simple as that. or that i'd have a tree like that. so i need not carry my troubles to sleep, and that everything could be better the very next day.
but hell no. it doesn happen to me as much as i want it to be. =x

......................................................................


i wanted to talk to daddy just now. but even before i could even talk to him, he left for his lesson. and by the time he's home again, i'll be asleep. i hate staying at home w/o daddy. i will only think of approaching daddy with my problems, never my mum. i don't like to share my problems with my mum, coz she'll only nag and she doesn give constructive comments. even if daddy doesn give me help, he'll listen, and make sure i'm alright.

as much as i'm feeling guilty for not doing my work again, i'm feeling much better, after dl-ing songs again.
its time like this that i really yearn for someone to listen to me talk and cry. i miss dear, the midnight phone calls and all. =x


i'm going to sleep my tears away.
and wake up early to complete my hw.
and skip chem lesson.

bobo.

my name is priscilla.


and its my fault that i didn ask god to give me hairless skin, long legs, a pretty face.
its my fault ok.
so fuckoff and leave me alone.



对不起
我不是什么事都能一笑而过
我也有感情
也有伤心的权利


[update@7.22pm]

loser msged me just now, and it made me ask myself something.
is it wrong for me to like someone. then why, the person in the question must make me feel like i'm invisible, make me run in rounds. is it wrong too, to just want to be best friends with someone, without the notion of love. i just don't understand.
i know it isn worth to cry and break down because of him, but sometimes, the feeling just gets too overwhelming. i know i shouldn be so sensitive, given that i'm quite used to it, but whatever they said just now, together with him, i couldn help it, but just isolate myself just now. i didn mean to even tear, but it was just too much for me to bear. i guess the tears from yesterday just flowed out. i'm sorry girls. i do know you girls were joking but i just couldn take it at that moment.
now, i question my ability to withstand pressure, withstand the stares, withstand the going-ons in the everyday life.
i need to be strong. but everytime i try to be, i fall.

我以为知道了答案后
一切就会变得更好
但那都是我自己做的梦

a letter

dear whoever-above,
WHY, why, why on earth do you have to play such a trick on me!!!? and at such a crucial time. do you know that this joke could just cost me alot of things, more importantly, my self-confidence i've been trying very hard to build up all this time.

i didn want to to be born like this, you made me this way. and as much as i want to change it, there's limited things i can do. and ever since that stupid damn post made by that stupid malay bitch few years back, yes i still rmb, i've been really trying to build up the self-confidence that stupid bitch crushed.

and now, you have to bring someone else into my existance and crush it once again. not just anyone, but someone so different, so special.

i seriously wonder what i have done wrong, to deserve such treatment for such a thing.

i may have joked and acted indifferent just now, but did you know that deep down inside, it was so hurting. very fucking painful.

and the fact that he is not just any someone, and the fact that no one will understand makes this process much more lonely, much more killing.

i don't see anything wrong with liking someone. but you had to put me through those horrible months, and now this. how great.

我并不奢求太多，只要能平平淡淡的过每一天。难道这么一点小要求，你都不能帮我完成吗。

i'm really really tired. this life is getting too tough for me to hold on.

maybe someday, i'll just give up this tiring life.

yours sincerly,
pris.





its a night for tears and wet pillows

150bucks

fuck.

my mum lost 150 bucks
and she thinks i took it.
what the bloody fuck man!!


i so DID NOT take her freaking money can! i can be hard on cash, but i never. never, never will go take her money la. damnit.


i'm being accused of being a thief by my own mother. my own mother-fucking mother.


how great.
bloody hell.



[update @ 10:06pm]

goddamnfuckinghell. sometimes i just hate to live in this damn hell place! some home it is. fucking shit. i so damn bloody hate to be accused of things i DID NOT DO!!! i dont bloody damn steal!! what a motherfucking mother. i bet she placed it somewhere else and bloody forgot about it can. and while she can go on and on about me taking her damn money and all those fucking shit, i cnt rebut and insist i didn. where's the damn bloody logic la. KNNB la. i may complain that i don't have enough money for shopping and all, i don't take her money w/o her permission. or plainly speaking, i don't even take extra money from her these days. i pay for class fund and whatnots by myself can. i only take transport fees from her. sometimes, i even pay for my bro's dinner with my own pocket money! and all that with my pathetic allowance. and pls, i haven't been shopping as much as i want to ok!! i've been restraining myself from shopping. damnit. bloody hell, she sodamnfreaking lucky that my dad's at home and i cnt use expletives on her, if not, she'll prolly get a string of expletives lashed out at her. i don't care if i get struck by lightning for cursing her. she deserves them, for not trusting her own daughter, and accusing her of stealing!! arghs.
i'm so going to buy ALOT of highlighters tml with my OWN allowance. colour pens make me better. i'd have been alot better if only desmond's online. he's one of the very few who knows about the strained relationship between me and her.


and i think, mugging just now, made me cool down quite a bit. maybe mugging works. oh whatever. i'm so going to study hard, and show her that i'm not slack like she says!

and thanks loser for listening to my expletives(:


ah fuck. what a day.

wedding daze

power yesterdaysaturday! (((:

haha. attended this student network forum on social entrepreneurship with some of the scholars at orchard hotel. haha. we sat through less than half of the talk. hahaha. i didn even listen lor, i slept half of the less than half of the talk that we were supposed to go through. blahblahblah. we were like talking and not listening, to the extent that the row in front of us asked us to lower our volume. LOLS after the reception, we siam-ed! HAHAHA. syafiq, jaz, roliah, javey, junxian, robin, chi shan, sharon, sue ann, pris, packed our stuff and left through the backdoor, which actually led us through to the KITCHEN!!! LMAO!! machiam movie like that can, run then run through the kitchen. lols. the we were all quite lost in the kitchen, run here run there, in the end also end up in the lobby and left. quite a number of ppl left halfway also la. hahaha.
decided to catch a movie as a group, so we walked to lido, wanting th catch the dark knight, but like no tics, so we walked to cine, actually wanting to watch its a boygirl thing, but no tics also =.= so in the end, we bought tics for wedding daze. LOLS. slacked at the food court there, played cards and all.
MOVIE WAS DAMNDAMNDAMN FUNNY!!! hahaha.. but i think its quite cool lehhs. i mean, imagine one day, you decide to run off and get married with a stranger! hahaa shall not be a spoiler, watch it yourself. recommended!!! (((:

i love this bunch of scholars la!! i seriously hope we all can stay on! and have moremoremore fun tgt!!! :D
next movie tgt: the love guru!! XD


....................................................................................


lalalahs. just finished watching MZ. bathe and time for hw!! (: the fridge repairman is here. i cnt bathe! sadded. means i have to push back my hw time, coz i cnt study if i have not bathed, its me. so i shall go dl songs into daddy my ipod! ((:
oh yea. daddy gave me his 80GB ipod classic!! ((: I LOVE DADDY!!! <3




sometimes i wonder why somethings happen. is it true that everything happens for a reason? then why, sometimes, i simply cnt fathom the reason behind some things.

STs

STs starts exactly in 1 month's time. and i'm not even 0.00001% prepared. gosh. and bmic starts at 6.00pm!!! wtf can. i think i can prolly fall asleep during the paper. gosh.
ohmymy. i better start studying SUPER HARD. i wanna squeeze into the honour's roll!!! rawrs :D

JIA YOU PRIS :D


........................................................................

opened my blog again. thought over things and realised that as much i wish it would, locking my blog would not do me any good. whatever. oh wells.

supposed to complete rwp ppt today, but we didn even touch it. rawrs. ended up doing maths tutorial 13 during the break. cellbio prac was ultimate man, my mood dropped like fuck. i fucking hate to be treated as transparent ok!! bloody hell.
pei-ed shan to wait for her squash trg to start, then trained to bedok, went to the library, return and borrow books. dinner with mummy and lil brat at astons. finally bought my black pumps(: thanks mummy!



anws, to you: i dunno if that one-liner is meant for me. because if it is, then i can only say, i'll prove you wrong. i ain't gonna be sososo affected any longer. not worth is it. since you don't even care. thanks


there's forum tml! (: meeting the scholars yayyay!! :)

shall go read my books.

bye~

[update @ 11.39pm]

there goes. i give up.

[/update]

hundred

100th post, and i private my blog. how great. i'll open it soon again, as soon as i get over the fucking period of hidden words.

.............................................................

o.O i just finished PBL. gosh. need my sleep!!
but school todayyesterday was rather ok, except that i fell asleep during BMIC lecture, i was quite tired lehhs. mugged cell bio and did maths tutorial in the library after school.
dinner with evon and shan at tiong bahru subway! ((: i love the girls, i really do :DDD

super tired :(( meeting mummy and lil brat at bedok for dinner after school tml(:


i miss nightmare. rawrs



blow the fuck away please.

一生的朋友

i really miss those days.
when everything didn involve him and him. him and him as in him and him. LOLS.

i'm really really glad to have my friends by me. even thou nightmare and ************* ain't here anymore, i still have friends who still care, who knows when i'm not happy, who knows what i'm thinking, who knows what exactly can cheer me up.
i ain't someone who makes friends easily, and i am also not someone who gives up on friendship easily too. so i'm really quite a clingy person. oh wells. i still rmb, the friends i told myself not to make, are my best friends now. haha. even yh, i thought he was a weirdo, kaypo at first, but now we're like rather good buddies.

sometimes, resentment can just take over me, whenever i think of that particular friend. sometimes, i really really really wonder about some things. lets just say, never promise me anything/tell me something to make me real happy for that moment, just to let me down. coz its worse than making me go through constant hell.

in life, you lose some, you gain some. i'm quite glad that my gains overwrite my loss. SMs, loser, eyegang, Li Lin, yh, even cx at times are really really nice friends and sometimes, they just make me forget the loss of others.

hey friends, THANKS! (: i really thank god that i found you, friends :D



...............................................................................

rawrs. i am not emo. i just am feeling abit not right with whatever thing is happening with THAT friendperson. arghs. i dunnodunnodunnodunno.
anws, i attitude-ed chau again. i dont give a damn, really. i plugged my ipod and listened to my songs and minded my own business right in front of his eyes. HA.

so glad to meet the scholars and 5 stones again!! (((: forum on sat. seeing them again. then i wanna go down to MANGO to get my tanktops! :)))


alrighttts, time for work.



that 4 letter word ain't for you to use so loosely on someone else.

music therapy

[post-deleted]

one day wasted. how smart. but i've got new songs. oh well. new songs make me smile :D


there's really alotalotalot of resentment inside. i'm no longer important to you coz someone else is. tired of vying. tired of trying. tired of playing hard. i'm just going to stand aside. give up my place. give up trying. call me possessive, call me jealous, i dont give a damn. kick me aside for all you want. don't come to me crying when things happen the opposite way. i ain't in your schedule anymore, i'm waywayway back in the waiting list ain't i? i'm slowly making my way out of, even, that waiting list. go ahead and think if its you. i don't really care. feel guilty if you must. but feeling guilty doesn bring you back to home base. i will be gone before you come back to get me. damn bloody tired. save those excuses for others. don't use them on me anymore. it ain't going to work anymore. fuck those thing we said before. i should have taken them off my mind much earlier. not too late to take them off now. i will slowly adapt to things without you. thank you for the times back then.


i still cnt get some things off my mind. rawrs.


[update @ 11.20pm]
I LOVE BEST PARTNERRRRR!!! best partner rocks my world!!! best partner makes pris happy!!! (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:
lalalah. its just btwn me and her and SMs. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



比想象中还痛

sleepless night

i can feel my mind dying.
i can feel my eyes closing.

but my brain refuses to go to sleep.
but my brain refuses to stop racing.

what an irony.


i shouldn have taken a second look. i totally regret that second look, because now, i'm filled with resentment again. so much for those efforts trying to believe all those bloody excuses. so much for that nickname, now used so loosely on someone else. to hell with it man. i'm on the receiving end, receiving shit. allright. good game. i'm forever being best friends with totally wrong people.


on a better note, school's rather ok today. that sucker AC didn bother me.
am ponning school tml. coz its only 1 hr of lesson, and i see no point embarking on that almost 1hr journey to school and back. waste of time, not as if i'll be paying full attention to sim.
i'd rather stay home and do my own revision, and i can make some time for lunch with eyegang.


OH YEA. makan's on 2Aug. woopeedooo~ am supposed to go to some NDP preview but i hate going to those things. am gging for makan no matter what!! MARCHE! (:



i shall try to get some sleep.



excuses are lies in pretense
and i feel like a fake
but i don't really care

=.=

i'm damn bloody bored now & i dont feel like doing anything, i jsut finished chem tutorial. laterlater. shall do this thing i found on yuen's blog.


Name 20 people whom you can think of right now.Don't read the questions till you've named 20 people.At the end of this, choose 5 people to do this ...

1. Shuhuan
2. Li Lin
3. Evon
4. Candy
5. Yingshan
6. Chongxiang
7. Desmond
8. Zhaogen
9. Zhiyu
10. Bridget
11. Eli
12. Jia Hui
13. Kim
14. Yuen
15. Ambrose
16. Lynette
17. Fel
18. Augustin
19. Fanny
20. Yong He



Q1. How did you meet 14?
Yuen - classmates((: gossipmates :D

Q2. What would you do if you've never met 1?
Shuhuan - ermm, be more troubled? coz there isn someone to listen to me talk. but then again, if i nv met her, life would still have been the same right?

Q3. What if 9 and 20 dated?
Zhiyu, Yong He - i'll laugh!! and prolly die of laughter. they don't even know each other

Q4. Will 16 and 17 date?
Fel, Lynette - if they're lesbians? NOOOOO!! haha.

Q5. Describe 3?
Evon - BEST PARTNER!!! she's damn pro at suaning ppl, and she da BEST PARTNER!! :DDD

Q6. Describe 7?
Desmond - tall, fair, kind, slack... i dunno. =x

Q7. What would you do if 18 confess to you that he/she likes you?
Augustin - ermm. i'll do something that only the SMs knows. ooppps

Q8. Who is 9 going out with?
Zhiyu - i dunno lehhs. =x

Q9. When was the last time you talked to 13?
Kim - omg. i seriously dunno when was the last time i talked to kimkim. =x

Q10. Who is 2's favourite band/singer?
Li Lin - ermm, got alot lehhs. i'm not quite updated on it. ohohoh, rainie yang her song is playing now and i just rmbed, but it was like quite long ago that she said it=x

Q11. Would you ever date 4?
Candy - OF COURSE. candycandy. hahaha.

Q12. Would you ever date 1?
Shuhuan - DUH. my dear lehhs

Q13. Is 19 single?
Fanny - i think so. haha

Q14. Would you ever be in relationship with 11?
Eli - HAHA. she's my love.

Q15. School of 3?
Evon - figure out yourself!

Q16. Where does 6 live?
Chongxiang - Boon Lay

Q17. What is your favourite thing of 5?
Shan - hmmms. she's a good listener. and we're mostly on same frequency!

Q18. Have you ever seen 10 naked?
Bridget - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.hahahha

dont want to tag. i was just bored. am still bored

tagged

got tagged by zhiyu

RULE 1: Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.

At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
No TAG backs!

1.i hate splitends on my hair and thats why i'm always touching my hair to feel for splitends
2.i love eating spicy food, but i hate it when i tear
3.i told myself that i'll nv like someone in my class, but..
4.no matter how hot the weather is, i must cover the blanket up to my chin before i can safely fall asleep.
5.i am a loner, but i always need friends by me.
6.i always experience unexplainable feelings.
7.i, sometimes, will not express my unhappiness about my friend.
8.i try to be high when i'm emo
9.i make up perfect stories for myself.
10.i love bitter food
11.i cannot get tan, i only get sunburnt
12.as much as i look damn neat and all outside, i'm super untidy at home
13i have at least 10 polo tees at home, shared btwn me and mummy
14.i'm a stingy person when it comes to shopping, thou i love looking at expensive clothes
15.i love guys who are smarter than me. LOL

tagged: eli, yuen, dear, evon, candy, lyn, shan, loser, XDD, lilin

silent 2 months

i just realised that candy didn pass me XDD's microbio lab book to copy, and now, i'm left with a blank microbio datasheet. darn. someone help me!! i hate microbio lab, and there's microbio lab tml:((





anws

went to bugis OG with mummy and daddy yest obviously i didn bump into best partner. couldn find the design for the shoe i wanted, and no all-blacks flats caught my attention. i need all-black flats and black pants for duties!! =x and i saw this BF shirt, nice but mummy doesn want to buy it for me. bleaghs.





just finished watching 命中 ep17. i know i'm slow. but i must stop myself from watching on wkdays ma. heh. oh wells...







and FINALLY, makangang's gna meet up for dinner, within these 3 saturdays. rawrs. finally!! i miss nana, CL, maimai, lou!! hehhhh. (((: the pic was from longlonglong ago. more than a yr i think







the title says it all

happy 12/07 day

HAPPY 12/07 DAY!!! ((((:
its 12/07 today, and its 12/07's birthday!! haha. i miss twelve like loads lor. must find time to go out with them again!!! they're loads of fun!!!


hmms. had airport trg just now. quite fun(:

going to bugis with mummy later. see if can bump into best partner not!! HAHAA..


lalalah.. sing along~


before i go,


pris loves 12/07

sing to the tune of

lalalah. i'm in the mood of singing. heh.

was a little late for school today, but luckily, was still in time for mathcad test. heh. mathcad test was rather ok. heh. then fc3 for breakfast, then maths lecture. i was a good girl for once and concentrated during the lesson. haha. then it was SCHOOL OVER!! haha. lunched with evon, candy, shan at fc3, then pei candy to configure her laptop. that silly girl didn bring her adaptor, and cldn configure AGAIN. haha. then to the library to do some work. left at about 3 to aljunied.

reached aljunied rather early, so i went to the TF there to walkwalk. the clothes there are damn nice ok. i saw this tube dress and tube top and skirt that lovely. INEEDMONEY!!! haha. met with fel, eli, bridget, yuen, weekee & honghui. went to this stall to have durian. HAHA. damn that uncle lor. he's like damn unhappy with us can. and we didn do anything lor. wtf. not as if we are damn rich. we're just STUDENTS man!! expect us to blow 40freaking bucks on durian!? NO!! he gave us this not very good durian. damn. oh whatever, but it was nice! haha. the experience is something i might not experience.

then bussed to katong mall, to teoheng for singingsingsing. haha. damn high sia!! screaming chorus and all. HAHAHA. so them, so us. haha. i love k-ing with them!! 2.5 hrs not enough man!! next time must sing more with them!!! chicken rice after that!!

NOW i'm HOME! (:
airport trg tml. siannnn!! sighs. but i'm gging out with mummy after that!! weeee~


damn tired.
nights!



是我把爱梦得太完美　
多完美还是会枯萎

when you lack sleep,

[post deleted]

arghs. the post earlier in the morning. was one that i wrote out of super-frustration. i was super tired, with only 5 hours of sleep, and having to face incompleted ppt slides due wasn the best thing in the morning. put that tgt with a growling stomach, and a troubled mind, the sight of him, omgggg. what a bad morning.
and that post made best partner worry. opps. sorry best partner!! you're the best!! ((:


moving on,
everytime i read that blog, i just get real irritated. sometimes i really want to throw that facade, respect and all away and just tell her how i really feel. all those things said before school started, all bullshit. so damn tired of trying to rearrange every damn time i have to accomodate, only to hear that very stupid and irritating and boring excuse. just tell me you dont want to meet if you really dont want to meet ok. its not an excuse. you don't make an effort. or rather, you make an effort, to exclude me out of your super bz schedule eh. i cnt believe i lost, but for this time, i'm surrending, i'm too worn to fight on, i ain't your priority, i'm at the bottom of ur list. thanks friend.



my laptop's battery spoiled. i think its coz i dropped the battery the other day. gosh. just hope its under warranty, so i can get a new battery. sighs. now i have to keep using the adaptor. phews. daddy didn scold me.


i'm racking my brains over PBL, partial differentiation. can someone tell me whats it. the jc ppl all dunno partial differentiation. or is it not even maths!? how come they tell me its physics!!?? partial differentiation, oh, partial differentiation. don't make me hate you.. rawrs




[update @ 11.15pm]
i think i'm losing track of time. bleaghs. i wanted to msg HN at 2359h to wish her happy birthday. but i msged her at 2259. -.- wth!!
finally done with PBL. thou i didn get the ans myself. clarence got it for me, not using partial differentiation. HAHA. oh wells, we got the ans, so its ok. i dont care. mathcad test tml. sian. looking forward to after lessons, so i can meet twelve!! ((:
i need my sleeepppppp.



lose it

chauo asshole

F***

god. its only in the morning and i am so damn pissed alrd laa.. that asshole of that damn teacher(AC) is such a damn ass. the biggest asshole ever observed in my,say,10 years of education. GRRRRRR. i was just innocently using my lappie in his lesson, not even disturbing him, and he asked me to shut my comp. wtf!? i was not even disturbing his lesson!! and whether i wanted to pay attention is my own problem! NOT HIS!! damn. and when i slammed my laptop shut, i'm sorry, my poor laptop, he said : if you're not happy you can leave. i did not ask you to come. FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!! WTH!! its not the first time he's said that ok. like i ever said before, if i didn have anything at stake, i'd have walked out. and i really mean it. he thinks that by forcing us to off our laptops or such, we'll pay attention to his lesson. hell NO!! gosh. i seriously hate chem lessons, and the worst thing is that every lesson, we have to sit through 2 damn hours of his shit!! i SO cnt wait for this sem to end man!! then i WILL NOT HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!! oh yay. LOLS.


speaking of sems, its only about 5 weeks to SemesteralTests. gosh. there's like millions to study, and its not that i can afford last minute studies anymore. my brain is becoming more stupid as time passes, my interest and determination drops faster than the pull of gravity. and its not as if my MSTs were damn bloody fantastic. i think they were as good as shit.

lets see,

Maths: 40/50
Chem: 35.5/50
BMIC: 71/100
Cell Bio: 33.5/50

fucking shitty results. its not supposed to be my standard. damn. its waywayway below my standard man, such results. maths-damn careless, chem-purely.nv.do.well.no.excuses, bmic-that damn blankout+wrong strategy for t/f section, cellbio-happy enough,just hope CA1 doesn pull me down that much.
gosh. i really really need to buck up.. RAWRS!! less MSN, less online time, more mugging!!! guess with mummy blowing down my neck everyday to study hard, its time for me to show my BEST!!! lalala~


[update @ 8.29pm]
i'm stuck with 2 projects now, all due the week after next. damn. and both projects will have XDD in my grp. how coincidental. LOLS. i hate project work btw. i just find it so troublesome and all, thou the process can be quite fun.
fc6 doughnut and lil brat brightens a day a lil. haha. sometimes, lil brat can be a brat, but there're times when he can be nice, like whenever we go buy dinner. LOLS.
shopping with SMs on friday cancelled yet again. sighs. will be going to tj to look for eli.
pw timeee~


[update @ 1.29am]
good game. i'm still wide awake, and hungry. just finished part of the ppt not long ago. was talking to CX and eli the whole time through. much better than doing it alone i guess. quite few things learnt from the convos. shall keep them to myself though. but 知人知面不知心。
it ain't difficult to open up to someone afterall.
NIGHTS~



hey LOVE, once again, i have no idea of the pain and all that you're going thru again, but i really hope that you'll stay strong, coz there's lots of people around you that are still very concerned about you. no matter what, i'll always be here for you, anytime, anywhere, anything. smile girl



fuck it. where's the love

stuffed

excuses ain't a way to get out of the situation



i feel like i have lots to blog about, but i cnt find words to express it.
maybe its fated that it should be kept just in my heart.

chem lab is still chem lab.
the dates make no difference.




i don't want to lose.

double cheeseburger

tired of the everyday i have to go through.


lots of projects coming up. gosh.


CHEER UP PRIS!! (:

do the maths

HELLOOOO~


[UPDATE]

week 3 tml. new week. sighs.
twelve's like going to sentosa tml. I WANT TO GOO!!!!
DAMN THE YOUTH DAY HOLIDAYS!!! I AM STILL A YOUTH can!!! i want my holiday!!! arghs.

sleep time. damn 2 hrs chem tml.

[/UPDATE]




partial differentiation & integration.





比想象中更痛 你真的没回头
我命令眼泪不许失控
回忆不跟你走 都挤在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重

D ex-colleague

airport trg was rather ok la. boring and dry. lols. made new friends though.

went to expo to look for desmond(: that demondkid put braces and he's damn funny la.
i'm so gna work hard, and score well, so i'll get ajisen treat from him!! hahaa :DDD
gosh. i so miss working with him and elvin!!



HW TIME TML!!!




you know thats you're totally over him when you can talk to him without recalling anything related to him

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

havoc

pris + siew yuen + eli + jia lin + bridget + fel = HAVOC







i loveloveLOVE the songs in daddy's ipod. its like oldies and its damndamndamn nice ((:
favs on playlist (:




darn airport trg tml.
at least i'm going to look for desmond after that! (:

when i was young, i wanted to be a hairdresser

i should stop cutting my hair randomly whenever i'm feeling emo.


been feeling quite down these few days. been feeling damn dumb and empty.
suddenly, everyone around me seems to be so far away from me. there's no one for me to talk to, to confide in. everyone just seems to be putting on a mask, no longer the one i once knew them for. i just feel so invisible.
and the debacle seems to be over for him. he's back to normal as i flutter between the 2 extremes.
and the damn fucking thing is that the tears just don't fall. every damn tear is stuck inside, and its just so freaking stuffy inside.
i don't know what's becoming of me. i don't cry anymore. i keep to myself. i walk by myself. i cnt fall asleep before 12am. i no longer bother if im late for lessons. i only know that i bury myself in the fiction world. story books after story books.


i don't want saturday to come. there's airport trg. i'm beginning to regret joining this cca. its just not very organised, everything's so last minute, and i dunno. the expectations are just so high, demands of it is so high, it just makes me quite pissed and stressed at times. i should have stuck to string ensemble. darn.
but i'm looking forward to after trg. i'm gna to look for desmond at work ((: some light shopping then dinner at grandma's hse.


dinner at OKA with the usuals tml (:




你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

its time to buck my fucking ass up.












and i hate that you're still in my heart

keep the memories running

point-form blog post again.

1. i saw this guy this morning, whose side-view resembled desmond. And suddenly, i just miss desmond terribly. at least he doesn treat me the way K treats me in school. rawrs.

2. i love spending time with the lil brat. he pays for my magazine. haha. i should bring him out shopping so he'd pay for my purchases. opps

3. i ate like super alot today. apple pie, double cheeseburger, muah chee, tutu kueh. darn. i'm growing fatter and fatter!!

4. DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN is a damn funny show la..which includes the sexual humour part. HAHHAHA. i don't regret parting with my money to watch it. would have been better if the cinema was filled.there were only 12 of us + another stranger couple in the cinema hall. much better atmosphere ba.

5. there's something baffling about this person whose blog i read... hmmms... lies and deception

6. i'm waiting for pbl discussion to start.. rawrs.

7. i somehow cnt wait to go the grandma's hse tml. urging to tell clara abt those gay-ish actions of K during camp!! i bet she'll LAUGH at him!! haha.

8. i think i failed cellbio AGAIN. darn. will know tml ba. and mrs mark doesn want to release our marks for her section. darn. someone got 0/25. i hope it ain't me, i hope i didn fail, i hope i managed to get above 20. i want a distinction for bmic!!!

9. i got disappointed AGAIN. yes again. why is it always that you're telling me all those fucking shit, then when i TRY to make an effort, you come and crush everything. everything about you has changed, and it's so fucking irritating. dang. i think my other friends are MUCH BETTER than you. now then i realise.

10. the part of my arm that got sunburnt is peeling. shit.









[UPDATE]
i feel like a total gone case man. to think i was still nagging dear to study hard. rawrs. i told myself to start going through bmic lecture. i ended up online, playing that very game that got me hooked last year. darn. and i totally didn know that i had chem tutorial. rawrs.
PRISCILLA!!! WAKE UP!!!if only.... sighs
sleep time.
[/UPDATE]


BYEEEE~