daddy and mummy

i think my parents pamper me and my bro alot.
not so much materialistically, but educationally.



materialistically, they give us what they think we need.
which most of the time, is more of a want.
like when my bro wanted a psp, though my dad took a long time to get him one, daddy bought him one eventually, even though bro's results didn meet daddy's expectations. and daddy even bought the more expensive kind, or something like that.
and mummy hasn been nagging me about my recent bouts of retail therapy. which i now, feel super guilty, coz i promised not to shop so much.




education-wise, i really have to say they pamper and spend lots of money on us in this aspect.
for me, they've been providing me with piano lessons since the age of 4, speech and drama lessons when i was young, and tuition since primary school. there has never been a year i go without tuition, even in secondary school. when i was in tj, they bought almost every recommended reference book and they even sent me to physics tuition which cost them a bomb, excluding the transport fees to send me all the way to thomson. those were before this year. yet, i discontinued music lessons just 1 grade before i complete the whole course, i didn do well for psle, didn do as well for Os, flunked jc as a whole. i think i took whatever they gave me for granted, what they gave, no doubt made me stressed, but more evidently, made me over-confident which led to my downfall over and over again. all over, they nagged and expressed disappointment, but they nv stopped giving me whatever i needed.
this year, they bought me those superly over-priced textbooks without hesistation. then they got me wireless internet at home, so that i could access my notes much easier. then when i complained that my lappie was too heavy, they asked if i wanted a lighter one. and when i complained that i cldn catch what my lecturer was teaching, daddy asked if i needed a voice recorder, one that could even transcribe the lecture for me. yet, all i do, is slack my ass off, give them attitude coz i didn have a nice day in school. all those seemed to come to me naturally.


then for my bro. like me, he has nv gone without tuition in his school life before. although he has nv gone for piano lessons or what-so-ever, his tuition has always been one of the best. the most expensive. his tuition fee for a month, could easily be 2/3 months for me. and although they ocassionally nagged, they nv stopped givingg my bro the tuition he needed. and mummy even started working because she wanted us to carry on with our standard of living, without being affected by his increasing tuition fees.
despite all those tuition, bro has nv performed up to standard before. but the parents have nv given up on him.


and finally, yest, i finally saw disappointment in their faces. for once, daddy didn scold or whack bro, for once, mummy didn nag at bro. and when both daddy and mummy stay quiet, its when their real disappointment shows. after my bath yest, i saw mummy sitting alone in bro's room, looking at his report book. never once had i seen mummy doing this before. daddy didn even comment when i talked about bro's results this morning. for once, it occured to me how they felt when daddy signed the withdrawal form at tj that very day.


i feel that both me and bro have let daddy and mummy down, esp me. they always have high hopes for me, yet i disappoint them over and over again. not only that, i failed to fulfil my role as a sister. i failed to take it upon myself to help bro with his studies. i left him to fend for himself, which i think, had a part to play in his failure this time. the moment i think about his results, i somehow will tear a lil and start blaming myself. i nv helped him, nv paid attn to his studies. its not what a sister should do, isn it.
but i dn what i can do. and it doesn help that our character clashes, and teaching him is not an option, because more often that not, we will fight.



i guess apart from crying, the only thing i can do is to work hard myself. because i cnt let daddy and mummy go through another disappointment.
because i love my parents.



....................................................................................................




i feel alot better after typing all those.
and again, i must thank those who are still helping me through that stupid matter.
Siao Matures
Li Lin
Eli
Dear
Loser



i shall go have my bath, lunch and start work!