the difficulty in picking it up




yes, i know i've been grumbling about the stupid attachment
yes, i know i've been saying that the interview is so last minute
yes, i know i've been saying i've got chalet on that day

BUT

no, i did not say that i won't be going for the interview
no, i did not say that the chalet is all i want to go for
no, i did not say that i want to quarrel to you.

like HELLO, its my f*cking scholarship at stake. as much as i want to let it go, i know i cannot afford to. because the f*cking school fees are f*cking high and i know that no matter what, to hold on to that f*cking scholarship is part of my duty to repay my sins of not studying hard enough in tj. i did not f*cking say anything about not lettting go, neither did i raise my voice, so stop f*cking saying that i don't deserve any concern just because you f*cking think that you are the only f*cking facing stress at work, and that i only know how to use the internet like no f*cking business. and if you think so, then i can f*cking tell you that you f*cking undermine me, because i am no f*cking brainless person, because i know alot of things and there are alot of f*cking things i want to say, but i don't because i know you are alr f*cking stressed. so just leave me alone and stop venting your f*cking anger on me, because i just want to do my own things, so would you please leave me alone and f*cking stop trying to read my mind because you always fail. and i dont really need your pity or reward anymore. because i know now, whatever i am doing, i am doing only for myself and no f*cking other, even you. because now i know, i can only depend on myself.

because the world is a biased place.
and i am not strong enough